Talk:Level 1497/@comment-26306737-20160410055149

I was one of five people who won a contest last summer, the prize being a tour of the King headquarters and a "swag bag" full of King-related marketing stuff. It was pretty cool and even interesting in a way, we got to hang out in the employee lounge which is full of old-school video games and free beer, we did a walk-through of the various development and testing departments, we even got to peek into the CEO's suite, though he was out of town being bought out by Activision.

By far the most interesting part of the tour, though, was when I asked to use the Men's Room. The employee serving as our tour guide directed me to the closest bathroom, which was located down a flight of stairs and down a short hallway. I reached the designated spot and opened the door to find not the Men's Room but rather the most fascinating King employee I had encountered that entire day. The room was small and dimly lit, kind of stuffy. Located right next to the boilers or something. Inside there was this little man, a dwarf actually, seated atop a child-sized hemorrhoid pillow and sipping gin from a grimy paper cup. Before him was an array small led screens and he was busy passing out what looked to my eyes to be lucky rounds in the Candy Crush game. A handful of candy bombs here, a half-dozen stripe combos there. I asked him if he was randomly selecting live players to grant these luck-changing rounds to, and he grunted what sounded like a "yes." When I asked him what it took to become a lucky recipient of these lucky rounds, the dwarf shot me a look like he was going to punch me in the wrapped candies, but then he took a long from the cup, sighed, and he told me the secret.

And now I am going to pass this secret onto you.

To receive a tiny handful of lucky charms from this basement-dwelling dwarf, please contribute to the gin donation fund they have set up for the guy. The drunker he gets, the more generous he is, you see. You can donate by mailing twenty dollars (cash - no checks, please), to:

garys.cmh

P.O. Box 555

Boston MA  55555

Okay, now on to this level, number 1497. Beyond what I've shared above, I've got nothing for ya. This level is more miserable than a drunken dwarf in a basement boiler room, and until the lucky charms guy bestows you with a rare lucky board, there's no way you're going to pass it.

Got a ton of boosters? Use em! They're not going to help, but use them anyway, what the heck?

Own a PC? Laptop? iPad? Android phone? Play 1497 on all of them! Then you will know what it's like to fail on every device known to man!

There are no shortcuts, there is no strategy, and no one has the first clue as to how to help you. You just have to play and fail. A lot. After that, do it some more. Go to bed, get up and fail a bunch more times. Re-visit this page looking for updates and advice. We got nuttin.

I'm pretty sure a special circle of hell is currently being renamed Level 1497. And in the center of that firey circle sits a very small person handing out lucky rounds to everyone else but you.

And me.

Good luck. You're going to need it.